CIJ- Dear Santa

Here’s my letter to Santa. I hope I get brownie points for getting it to him early!

Dear Santa,

Hi! It’s me, Amanda. I’m 24 now, but I still feel like a kid believing in you at Christmastime. How are you? Have you gotten the new burner jets for the sleigh, yet? I hear that they give you twice the speed and leave your hair with a wind-swept look. I bet Mrs. Claus would just fall in love with you all over again. How are the elves? With the economy problems, I bet they are shopping more at Etsy and eBay. Tell the reindeer that I have plenty of grass here that they can eat when you guys arrive. True, thanks to the summer, most of it has died, but there’s still plenty of it. Oh yeah, due money problems, you won’t be receiving cookies this year. Will it be okay if I just laid out bear-shaped pancakes? They’re almost the same thing- except that it involves butter and syrup.

I better get on with the point of this letter. I don’t ask you for many things during the years, but wouldn’t you know, when you get past 18, you seem to change your ideas on what you want. Instead of Barbies, could I perhaps have a laptop? It doesn’t need to cost much. As long as I can get on the internet and blog, I’m a happy camper. You know how you always left chocolate in my stocking? I was wondering if you could leave a little bottle of vodka. It could help me deal with my relatives who like to re-tell stories you’ve heard over and over for the past 5 years. Oh, could you bring snow with you this year? A green Christmas is getting old and frankly, snow looks much better on a greeting card. I’d also like George Strait under my tree this year. You can come back to get him after the New Year.

My family also needs some things. You knew there was a catch, didn’t you? Mom could use a vacation. I’m thinking a nice tropical place for her, where a guy in only board shorts brings her wine and books. Or, maybe a Lionel Richie concert. My sister could use a book rack. Although she would really want a nutcracker, the book rack would prove more useful. My dad needs a mind-control device for his T.V. His remote keeps going out and he’s tired of always trying to find batteries. A mind-control device would make it more simpler for him.

Most of all, I would like world peace. It’s not too much to ask, is it? I sure hope not!

Well Santa, thanks for scaring me when I was tiny, bu always calming me down with your magical presence. You’re one awesome dude! Christmas forever!


(P.S. Don’t be scared of the dog. He barks at anything- including wind. Just give him a piece of bologna and he’ll be your best friend!)


4 responses to “CIJ- Dear Santa

  1. Dear Amanda:

    I’m responding to your letter from my vacation home in Cancun. Unfortunately I’m going to have to sell the place – the economy you know. I’m not sure what Christmas will bring this year. The EPA wants to prohibit me from using my sleigh and reindeer – something about emissions that cause global warming. And the problems continue. The elves are threatening to go on strike if I don’t get a better health insurance plan. I may have to subcontract some of the toymaking function to China if the little rascals decide to picket the North Pole.

    Amanda, what I’m trying to tell you as gently as I can is that Santa may not be able to bring you what you want this year. In fact, the nitwits in Washington won’t even let me put lumps of coal in the stockings of bad boys and girls. They think this promotes a larger carbon footprint. Probably all I’ll be able to do for you will be to give you a coupon for a Happy Meal at McDonald’s. Oh, and by the way. You might want to put the dog away – I might be pretty hungry by then . . .

  2. That’s hilarious! I love it!!

  3. I took your idea- read mine! Read it! LOL

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